June
Friday 17
I got my bootloader to 32 bit Protected Mode! I'm close to being able to use C++ to write the kernel, but for now,
I still have to set up some stuff like Long mode and paging.
Yesterday I had another laser session. The one I had scheduled got cancelled because the site closed, so I had to
look or another, but none around had any time left until mid july. So, in a lucky move, I called a center that just had time
for the next day. So I went there today. The girl that assisted me said that the person that had that time reserved just had cancelled
before I called.
Is over now, and I can go to AX without any body hair in the way of cosplaying.
Monday 13
I've been thinking about writing an Operating System for a while. Of course, being realistic, it will not get anywhere as linux,
but I want to experiment with new ideas.
Sunday 12
Why is trust so weak? I cannot trust anybody. Specially after being proved right just today
...
Tuesday 7
I signed up for driving school yesterday! I hope to get the permit before summer ends. For no
strong reason, really. I just want to have it. I will still use public transport over a car,
but for some cases, like going to a convention that doesn't have changing rooms... ahem, Japan Weekend, is useful.
Sunday 5
Yesterday I cosplayed Kagamine Rin (see
cosplay section for photos), and it was super cool!
I'm proud of how I styled the wig. I think it ended up looking pretty cool!
I woke up early today to watch the Miku Expo Rewind. This year is online, sadly, but I hope CFM
announces in-person concerts soon!
Thursday 2
Today I went shopping with a friend, and bought a cool top, a shirt for the suit that I bought in May,
and some socks. We visited Uniqlo, Pull&Bear, Bershka, H&M,
Stradivarius and Women's Secret. Ww had so much fun today, I hope we can do it again soon.
Today I practiced drawing too. I'm still terrible, but I don't give up.
Please don't laugh at me. I will cry.
Wednesday 1
I got the Wacom tablet today. Yesterday I got Clip Studio Paint running on linux with Wine.
I'm so excited to finally pick up drawing after years of wanting! I wanna draw manga!!
May
Monday 30
I found this on /ic/ and wanted to share it with you:
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful
men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost
a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated
derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the
problems of the human race.
Text from Calvin Coolidge.
Press on!
Sunday 29
The day started on a positive note, then I was sad, but then happy again. Having good things
to look forward really helps with happiness. Miku music has something to do with it too, I'm sure!
I decided that I want to have this hairstyle:
What do you think? It's not very common for a boy, but I think it could look good on me. I'm no
standard boy, anyways~
Friday 27
I'm going to my hometown to hang out with friends. I need it.
June will be a busy month. I have to prepare everything for the LA visit.
Thursday 26
I need someone in my life!
Wednesday 25
I'm going to Los Angeles Anime Expo in July with internet friends, and I'll be sure to bring
many cosplays! it's gonna be amazing, I'm so hyped up~~
Monday 23
I went to the Uniqlo shop in Madrid. It's HUGE. It's really full of stuff. I wanna come back again.
Sunday 22
So yesterday I was waiting at the bus stop, and I overheard a conversation of a granny and her
grandchild, which was a pre-teen. Probably less than 10 years old.
I was standing there, when I hear the kid ask the granny (paraphrased in my words because I don't
remember the exact words): "Granny, is that a boy?" (referring to me). The granny answers "No,
it's a girl".
So, the granny believed I was a girl, but the kid was not so sure. But it's not over,
a few moments later the kid asks again "Granny, that can't be a girl because she doesn't have
a chest".
That little bitch had outed me grrrr 💢.
I was both impressed and frightened at the perceptual capabilities of the kid.
Obviously I'm a boy, even if I have long hair, but I enjoy it when people mistake me for a girl.
Maybe it's not so obvious that I'm a boy all the time? It's not the first time I am mistaken for a girl, but it's
definitely the first time a little kid tells adults that I'm not a girl.
I didn't say anything. When that stuff happens I just listen and enjoy it.
Saturday 21
The shoes I got run a bit small, looks like a 41 of this brand is more like a 40 of other brands
... So I have to go change them for a size up.
Early morning I also cleaned my room a bit. Clean room, clean body, clean mind, right?
[Written later] I was able to change the shoes for the right size. Also, while I was waiting
for the bus, something cool happened. I'll write about it tomorrow, though because right now
I'm very tired.
Friday 20
An online friend that disappeared around 2 months ago came back, but under a different identity.
He didn't say anything about who he is, but I can tell it's 100% him because of the unique way he talks,
his reactions, his active hours and the images he likes. I haven't told him that I know, because
I don't really care whether he wanted a new online identity. I'm just glad he's ok, that's all that matters.
Yesterday I bought a
beautiful manga
[archived]
[part 1 here]
[part 2 here]
that I had been following for quite a while now. I think it's worth the money. Even if I can't read
japanese, I do it mainly to support the author. I also donated to the scanlator for the great work
they have been doing, which without I couldn't have read this manga.
Today I also went to the shopping center to buy new sneakers, since the actual pair hurts my feet.
They have something broken on the back, so I have to replace them.
Thursday 19
Yesterday I went from my hometown to my apartment, and I forgot the keys. Luckily there was
people inside so they opened me, but I couldn't enter my room, since it uses a different key.
Early morning today I had to go to my landlord's apartment to get a spare key to my room, so
I woke up early to not miss work. Now I'm a little tired.
Today I have an appointment with the doctor where I will explain that I find it very difficult to focus on
tasks. I am impatient, wondering how it will go.
Monday 16
I want to write some articles about stuff, but don't find the right time to do it. It's not that
I don't have free time, it's just that I don't feel like it.
I've continued to think about what am I gonna do when July comes. My rent contract ends by then,
and either I renew it by a whole other year, move to another apartment (at 2x or 3x the price I am
currently paying), or go back to my hometown and live with my parents. I work from home, so
any of this is possible. I do want to live alone and be fully independent, but if I pay rent
my effective wage will be reduced by half. And I won't be able to save for an eventual
purchase of an apartment. Real state prices in the first world have been rising so much, and
something should be done about this.
I was gone for 2 weeks, I come back and my little cactus is dead. With this, my mom mas already
killed 2 cactus I've had. I am definitely not trusting her to care of any plants in the future.
:(
Saturday 14
I'm mad! Spain should have won Eurovision! If it wasn't for Putin's war in Ukraine, we would have won the popular vote!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Thursday 12
I was using my computer out today. When the contents of the screen are bright colors, screen brightness
should be reduced, and when screen contents are darker, screen brightness should be increased. Why
is this mode not common? I want to do something about it.
Wednesday 11
I'm writing this before going to sleep.
Yesterday I published a
new article
titled "on war and defense". Despite this, I want to make clear I am not a militaristic person. Weapons
are very efficient tools to kill people, and as such it's irresponsible to be freely available.
I'm just a realistic person who thinks our countries need a good defense force. On the personal side,
I am against gun ownership and similar policies, unnecessary in a civilized country. Spain
is among the safest countries in the world in terms of violent crime, so it'd just make things worse.
On less controversial topics (controversial for foreigners, not here, a big majority of spaniards are anti gun!),
I'm thinking of making a SIMD-focused programming language, with useful constructs to generate SIMD
code with high level features.
Sunday 8
I want to do something today but I'm feeling down, so I'm just gonna make pizza and then
go on a walk, since it's a nice day outside.
I am stuck here for the next 2 months, in an increasingly exhausting environment. When the
rent contract of this shared apartment ends, I'm moving out to a place of my own.
I can afford it now, anyways. I need somewhere to be alone where I can be who I am.
Anyways, I did end up buying a suit. They had no undershirts for it, so I took the following photos
with a normal tshirt, although I want a shirt with a larger neck hole, since it will look more
fitting.
Friday 6
It's been a bing chilling day today. I had caramell ice cream!!
I watched the NHK Music vocaloid program yesterday and it was very nice! They aired a
version of Melt, probably the vocaloid song I like most. Pinocchio-P was there, along with
some other vocaloid song authors. Mafumafu was also there. He's so beautiful! I want a suit
like his
... And he sings so good. Perfect boyfriend material.
These days I've been working on tangential projects related to my current project. I'm king of
bikeshedding.
I think they're good additions, however.
Yesterday I went to sleep at 8 pm
... I passed out for a few hours, until midnight. I woke up, had
dinner, and went to sleep again. I had so many hours of sleep in debt that my body couldn't hold anymore.
I should sleep more, but it's not that easy for me
...I feel
like I'm wasting my time if I'm not working on my personal projects.
Related to this, I've made an appointment with the doctor because I can only maintain focus on a single
task for short periods of time, and it's affecting my perfomance in anything I do. Maybe I have ADD, or ADHD,
or whatever. I hope not, but the doctor and the psychologist will have the final word. I hope it's just
a temporal state I'm in and not really have a mental disorder.
Sunday 1
It was a sunny and warm day today. A pleasant way to start May.
I worked on different stuff today, optimizing some code with vector instructions.
I haven't done abs in 3 days. I should do it now.
April
Saturday 30
The day started fine today. I woke up 1pm, had lunch a bit later, then worked a bit in serenityos stuff.
Then it happened again. When someone joined the serenityos discord server and presented themselves
as willing to help on "data compression, compilers, and general C++, C and x86 stuff" I was activated.
I instantly knew this person wasn't lying and was somehow special, clicked on their profile picture to show the profile window and clicked on
the link to their github and website. Obviously, they weren't lying. She's from Poland, and is the author
of projects that have been featured on HackerNews. She seems to be quite good with mathematics, chess, and the programming languages that I
consider to be quite good with, among them C++ and C#. She's written some projects that have received relatively major attention, and
overall seems pretty intelligent. And she's only 17.
That's my problem. Well, it isn't a problem. Well, it's more like an annoyance for me.
When it comes to programming, I aim and want to be the best of my cohort (at the age of writing this, I'm 20 years old).
This ego is something inside me that I can't remove. I have flaws, and I'm perfectly conscious of them, and this is one of them.
I think she's better than I at the thing that I value most as part of what I do good and makes me be me, and that is programming.
I can't accept that someone can be better than me at that, while being 3 years younger. She's probably still in fucking high school.
Maybe it's because I need to spend less time procrastinating and more time actually programming? Or because she's autistic, and has better
than normal capabilities for math and programming? Maybe her only hobby is programming? Either way, my ego doesn't like that, and tries to
find an excuse.
I wish, I really wish I wasn't like that, because
whenever something like this happens I can't do anything but think about it the rest of the day. Then I forget about it, and a few days later I don't
care about it anymore, but while I do it's very annoying. And it's only if someone makes it kinda explicit, like "hey I was featured on hacker news
and am the owner of a project that has received appraisal" stuff. I'm happy for her, and I think I would do the same if I was in her skin. It's okay
to be proud of one's achievements.
Nobody likes being ego hurt, and for me this is like a cal50 bullet in the bullseye.
I *did* grow up in an environment when I actually was the most experienced with computers, and was regarded as so, and I think that feeling
of "I'm the best around" has stuck to me, for my bad. I do think I'm good, and I think I have things that support that. For example,
I got a nice job in a nice company at the age of 20, with just my hobbyist projects. I don't have formal software development education.
But experiences like this, in which reality slaps me on the face calling me a little bitch, and showing me
how things really are, are rather painful.
Of course, I don't have any problem with her. This is just good old envy.
She's probably very nice to be around, and interesting to chat with. I like being friends
with people more intelligent, and interesting people in general, than me, because I will learn something from them.
So, if you're the person being referred to here, I have a message for you.
Can we be friends?
Ahhhhhhh. It's good to scream to the void. I'm going to have dinner now. I leave you with a nice picture I found while being
a nosy idiot, to calm down the spirit.
Wednesday 27
I re-started work on a SerenityOS pull request :) after months of disconnection with the project. The 🦬 is being shaved, finally. Feels good!
Did my share of exercise today too and then had a shower 🚿.
Some days ago I went to the supermarket again, after months of using Amazon Fresh. Ordering all the food online may seem comfortable at first,
but it's a trap. Who would want access to groceries in the hands of a corporation like Amazon? I will go tomorrow again and buy grapes. I loooove grapes.
Maybe a melon too. I like fruit.
Now, onto reading the H.264 spec and then hop into bed.
Monday 25
Fuuuuck I am feeling down again
... It's almost 9pm and I didn't do anything today other
than work and sleep. I hope this is just today and not the start of another season of being an apathetic piece of shit.
I didn't do abs today, but it's still not too late. Let's go.
I'm also gonna try to do something, anything.
Sunday 24
I wasted my day again today, but I guess since it's sunday it's ok
... although I'd rather had spent it doing
something I want to do, like continuing any of my projects.
On a brighter note, this is the nth continuous day that I have done 20 min of abs. I play a video or something meanwhile so I have a distraction from the PAIN.
Oh btw, check out this song that I can't stop listening to
[link to youtube].
Saturday 23
It's 00:33. Ahh, I wanted to do some work on my game engine today, but at the end didn't write a single line of code.
I got riddled up in whatever I don't even remember now. It happens way too often to my liking. I was playing with a Kagamine Len
model yesterday and he had some pretty nails, so I went and painted mine yellow too.
Pretty cool! Yellow is a very nice color for fingernails.
Thursday 21
I got some energy back today. I want to create a mp4 decoder for SerenityOS. I was already working on a torrent client
for serenity when depression hit, and I stopped, so I can go back to that project too. But I also want to work on my game engine,
and in my discord replacement
... fuck, I have to too many projects in my mind. And I get this kind of block when I want to do many things
because then I context switch too much and end up doing nothing at all
... I have to focus on one thing, maybe on a weekly basis, if I want to stay productive.
Apathy sucks, it fucks with your and your plans.
The arm64 debian machine didn't help at all
... At least I got to see all the dependencies of the projects and tinkered a bit with the
build systems. At the end a colleague gave me access to the company's M1 Mac, so I could build native libraries there, without messy cross-compilation.
When I presented the built binaries (that he couldn't obtain, and probably thought I would neither), he was and said to be surprised, or something along the lines.
Why does everyone underestimate me? The first few days on the project were rough of course, but that's because I was presented with a gigantic codebase I had never
seen before. I think he formed the opinion of me being an inexperienced programmer then. But I'm proving him wrong on a daily basis! He keeps giving me a broader overview
over the project which I guess means I'm gaining hist trust.
On another note, either this Elle99 base coat sucks or I am retarded, because it only took a few days for it to peel off :>[
Either way I'm doing something wrong.
Today I cleaned my room a bit so it's more comfy to live in. Ordered room, ordered mind, I guess. I spend 99% of my day here since I work from home, so it means a lot.
I also have to fix this stupid font and why the ellipsis (three dots
... (not the unicode character, just 3 dots))
disappear when I put them, but not if I put 2 wtff. I have to use a stupid span with a different font so it renders.
It's almost 1am
... I guess I'll publish this note and go to sleep - good night
~
Wednesday 20
I'm writing this as a debian arm64 virtual machine completes installation. Why am I setting up a virtual machine?
Because computers are fucking broken. Or more specifically, the world of libraries, library resolution, dependency and version management,
dynamic linking, dynamic loading, everything. From the language support (C/C++) to the posix machines. Decades of building on top of shitty legacy
layers have led to this.
I'm trying to cross-compile a library in my host system (x86-64) for an aarch64 system, and in order to do it not only I have to try to install
the native libraries from obscure sources (because of course the ubuntu repos are incomplete), but I have to keep track of the recursive dependencies of
these dependencies
... I'm so pissed off.
Some days ago I had a similar thought, about creating an operative system from scratch. One that does NOT follow posix, or any of the current ways of doing
this shit. With a dynamic loader with proper support for versioned libraries. Is it that much to ask?
Sunday 17
Today I finished the intro for the music section. I think it's nice when music and visuals are coordinated
to create something pretty.
I changed the vocaloid section, it doesn't use youtube embeds anymore. Now all videos are hosted here with the rest
of the web. This, along some other optimizations, have reduced the first non-cached load of the page to 2.1mb. Good enough,
taking into account there are almost 30 song cover images in the page.
I thought about switching from twitter to mastodon today, but didn't do anything at the end. I mostly use my twitter account
as a source of news and to follow some interesting people. Sure, I could use both twitter and mastodon, but that doesn't sound
as a sustainable solution as I'm lazy and at the end I would go back to twitter because that's where the hundreds of accounts I follow
are. If twitter and mastodon offered something like a rss feed I could sync and get content from both that'd be real nice. That could
be a project for the future.
I wanted to put on semi-permanent nail polish again, but I'm so lazy
...
